So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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