Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
