please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
