come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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