We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
