Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
