I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
