it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
