I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
