Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
