he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
