Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
