the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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