You're so nebulous sometimes
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
