her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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