my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I need moral support for this bender
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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