No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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