Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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