What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
