Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The best revenge is premature balding
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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