What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
