I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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