i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
