My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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