Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
