I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
