mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
birth control should be required to get into college
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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