im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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