everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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