ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
