Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He better not be in your backpack
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
my poor anus
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
