To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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