Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
