and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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