atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
