the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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