Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My vagina is very pro this idea
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
