so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
