when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
