so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
