I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
