Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
