dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
as a side note pls kill me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
