It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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