I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
