I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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