You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
