You work out of a Hotel?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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