yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
