I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
