some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
is wine microwaveable?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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