i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
