I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
