Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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